In words of Shakespeare

A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act II, Sc. I
I'll put a girdle round about the earth
In forty minutes.

Antony and Cleopatra, Act II, Sc. II
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.

As You Like It, Act I, Sc. II
The little foolery that wise men have makes a great show.

As You Like It, Act V, Sc. I
The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.

Hamlet, Act IV, Sc. V
We know what we are, but know not what we may be.

Hamlet, Act IV, Sc. V
You must wear your rue with a difference.
There 's a daisy; I would give you some violets, but they withered.

Julius Caesar, Act IV, Sc. III
The deep of night is crept upon our talk,
And nature must obey necessity.

King Henry IV. Part I, Act II, Sc. III
Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.

King Henry IV. Part II, Act I, Sc. II
Some smack of age in you, some relish of the saltness of time.

King John, Act III, Sc. IV
Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale
Vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.

More of Calvin Philosophy

Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.
(Answer on a test paper) "I am not currently able to divulge this information, as it may compromise our agents in the field."
It's my dessert that's gross! Look, a thermos full of phlegm!
My favorite ritual is eating three bowls of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs and watching TV cartoons all Saturday morning.
A good compromise leaves everybody mad.
I hate being good (or trying to fake it).
But I like my idea better.
You know what we need, Hobbes? We need an attitude.
Idiocy is the essence of the male mind.
I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.
You know you'll hate something when they won't tell you what it is.
Existence is not only temporary, it's pointless!
Well, it puts a bad day in perspective.
I flunked a test today, but I don't mind.
It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.
'The world isn't fair, Calvin.' 'I know, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?'
I can always get by on my good looks and charm!
Divine retribution, that's what!
Homework, I command thee, BE DONE!
My dreams are getting way too literal.
Mothers are the necessity of invention.
I've been good all day so far.
Childhood is short and maturity is forever.
Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
There's no head rest on this chair! I should sue for whiplash!
I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.
I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.
Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?
Ever notice how tense grownups get when they're recreating?
From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way.
I love the culture of victimhood.
Nothing I do is my fault.
I like to verb words.
I liked things better when I didn't understand them.
Is it a right to remain ignorant?
Quit resisting, you!
I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas.
Obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity.
It is man's indomitable nature to scare himself silly for no good reason!

Calvin and Hobbes

Reality continues to ruin my life.

“I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can be together all the time.”

"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."

I wonder if I can grow fangs when my baby teeth fall out."

"Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success, flat stretches of boring routine, and valleys of frustration and failure."

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.

That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

Its no use! Everybody gets good enemies except me.

I have a hammer! I can put things together! I can knock things apart! I can alter my environment at will and make an incredible din all the while! Ah, it's great to be male!

I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information

"Do you believe in the devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the temptation, corruption, and destruction of man?" "I'm not sure that man needs the help."

Calvin: I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius.

Hobbes: What's misunderstood about you?
Calvin: Nobody thinks I'm a genius.

"Why isn't my life like a situation comedy? Why don't I have a bunch of friends with nothing better to do but drop by and instigate wacky adventures? Why aren't my conversations peppered with spontaneous witticisms? Why don't my friends demonstrate heartfelt concern for my well being when I have problems? ...I gotta get my life some writers."

"I'm a simple man, Hobbes." "You?? Yesterday you wanted a nuclear powered car that could turn into a jet with laser-guided heat-seeking missiles!" "I'm a simple man with complex tastes."
~
"See Any UFOs?" "Not yet." "Well, keep your eyes open, they're bound to land here sometime." "What will we do when they come?" "See if we can sell mom and dad into slavery for a star cruiser"

"I'm not going to so my maths homework. Look at these unsolved problems. Here's a number in mortal combat with another. One of them is going to get subtracted. But why? What will be left of him? If I answered these, it would kill the suspense. It would resolve the conflict and turn intriguing possibilities into boring old facts." "I never really thought about the literary possibilities of maths." "I prefer to savour the mystery."

"Mom's not feeling well. So I'm making her a get well card." "That's thoughtful of you." "See, on the front it says, 'Get Well Soon' ... and on the inside it says,'Because me bed isn't made, my clothes need to be put away and I'm hungry. Love Calvin.' Want to sign it?" "Sure, I'm hungry too"

"Any monsters under my bed tonight?"
"Nope." "No." "Uh-Uh."
"Well there *better* not be, I'd hate to have to torch one with my flamethrower!"
"You have a flamethrower?"
"They lie. I lie."
- Calvin, The Monsters Under His Bed & Hobbes


========
SOCIETY
========
I think life should be more like tv. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothes, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think?
So basically, this maverick is urging everyone to express his individuality through conformity in brand-name selection.

In my opinion, television validates existence.

------
H : "What are you doing?"
C : "Being cool."
H : "You look more like you're bored."
C : "The world bores you when you're cool."
--------

To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.



So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?



It's only work if somebody makes you do it

_____________________________
LOVE STORY
_____________________________

"There's a new girl in our class." "Well, whats her name?" "WHO KNOWS?" "Is she nice?" "WHO CARES? Not me!" "Do you LIKE her?" "NO!"
~
"Here comes that new girl. HEY SUSIE DERKINS, IS THAT YOUR FACE OR IS A POSSUM STUCK IN YOUR COLLAR? I HOPE YOU SUFFER A DEBILITATING BRAIN ANEURISM, YOU FREAK!" "She *cute*, isnt she?" "GO AWAY!"

~
"Hello Susie, this is Calvin. I lost our homework assignment. Can you tell me what we were supposed to read for tomorrow?" "Are you sure you're not calling for some other reason?" "Why else would I call you?" "Maybe you missed the melodious sound of my voice?" "WHAT? Are you crazy? All I want is the STUPID assignment!" "First say you missed the melodious sound of my voice." "THIS IS BLACKMAIL!"


~
"This meeting of the Get Rid Of Slimy Girls club will now come to order. First Tiger Hobbes will read the minutes of our last meeting."
"Thank you. (9:30) Meeting called to order. Dictator For Life Calvin proposed resoultion condemning the existence of girls. (9:35) First Tiger Hobbes abstains from vote. Motion fails. (9:36) Patriotism of First Tiger called into question. (9:37) Philosophical discussion. (10:15) Bandages administered. Dictator For Life rebuked for biting."
"Is this a great club or what?"
"(10:16) Forgot what debate was about. Medals of bravery awarded to all parties."
~

"I'm never gonna get married. Are you?" "Hmm...I suppose if the right person came along, I might. Someone with green eyes and a nice laugh, who I could call 'Pooty Pie'." "POOTY PIE?" "Or bitsy pookums." "I think that would affect my stomach a lot more than my heart." "Bitsy pookums I'd say. Yes snoogy woogy, she'd reply..."

~
"Do you like being a girl?" "Its gotta be better than the alternative." "Whats it like? Is it like being a bug?" "Like a WHAT?" "I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a crual trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it."

Hitchcockian Sayings :)

Actors are cattle.

I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle.

Always make the audience suffer as much as possible.

In films murders are always very clean. I show how difficult it is and what a messy thing it is to kill a man.

Luck is everything... My good luck in life was to be a really frightened person. I'm fortunate to be a coward, to have a low threshold of fear, because a hero couldn't make a good suspense film.

Disney has the best casting. If he doesn't like an actor he just tears him up.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

I am a typed director. If I made Cinderella, the audience would immediately be looking for a body in the coach.

Self-plagiarism is style.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

There is no terror in a bang, only in the anticipation of it.

What is drama but life with the dull bits cut out.

I am scared easily, here is a list of my adrenaline - production: 1: small children, 2: policemen, 3: high places, 4: that my next movie will not be as good as the last one.

War of Wit

“Wit is a sword; it is meant to make people feel the point as well as see it.”
G. K. Chesterton

“Wit is far more often a shield than a lance”
Unknown

“Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food.”
William Hazlitt

“Wit consists in seeing the resemblance between things which differ, and the difference between things which are alike”
Madame de Stael

“So vast is art, so narrow human wit.”
Alexander Pope

“Wit must be foiled by wit : cut a diamond with a diamond”
William Congreve

“Good nature is more agreeable in conversation than wit, and gives a certain air to the countenance which is more amiable than beauty”
Joseph Addison

“Wit: Intellect on a spree”
Unknown

“Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.”
Mark Twain

“Wit is the fetching of congruity out of incongruity”
Joseph Addison